Fox News, as a commercial broadcasting station, is far easier to defend than CNN. (hooked you) But, before I go too far into this rant, I did want to say a few kind words to about what CNN has done for me.
As a recovering masochists, I know all to well the difficulty of suppressing the daily temptation of a nice, sizzling, self-inflicted chemical burn on the back of my thigh. In the past, I would control my masochistic ways by subjecting myself to 4 hours of Microsoft Minesweeper, while listening to marathons of Weather Report, the Rippingtons, and the “best of†Lawrence Welk. Thankfully, though, I have now come to realize there is a better way…
I’ve come to bring you the good news – and I am speaking directly too you fellow recovering masochist brothers and sisters – you too can suppress ‘the urge’. All you have to do is watch CNN for an hour. After the hour is up, you will ask yourself: “why am I doing this to myself?†And at that point, a chemical burn seems very disagreeable. Thank you CNN.
So, now that we’ve wrapped up that rather lengthy and unnecessary introduction, lets get to the controversial point that was this essay’s hook. CNN is a horrible station, and though Fox is horrible too… at least it is mildly entertaining.
Now, you might be saying to yourself, “But Nick, CNN is on our side! Fox is on their side!†And to that, you silly talk-to-yourself-er hypothetical reader, I say: “It is my contention that the majority of CNN defenders reasoning goes no deeper than that.â€Â Â