Nick Lewis: The Blog

"Leaked" exit polls suggest Obama will have a very good night. Not quite celebrating yet, as the last 8 years have conditioned me to expect heartbreak everytime I feel a glimmer of hope in the political arena. Who knows, though: maybe the exit polls are right, and there might be a glimmer of hope for the USA. Or, perhaps the democrats will do what they've always done, and shoot themselves in the foot by nominating HRC. Lord knows the Dems do nothing better than sabotage theirselves. THey are perhaps the only party in the world that could lose even THIS presidential election.

Sometimes, when I'm out to eat, a friend of mine will take a bite, grimace, and then exclaim, "uhg, this tastes terrible... try it!" I usually do in a heart beat. There's a priceless hilariity to be found in the horrid. 

Similarly, I grimaced while reading this article titled, "Why Enron Chief Was Better Than 'Philanthropists'". The title itself is like a cankorsore -- it's annoying, and hurts -- but for some reason your tounge can't leave it alone. 

Now this article suffers from numerous faults. However, what bugs me most was lines along the lines of, "Now we're supposed to be shocked and awed by Buffett's decision to give $37 billion--about 85 percent of his assets--to Bill Gates' foundation."

Unlike President Bush, I'm a Texan. Strangely, however, being a Texan seems to put me initially at odds with various continental types (who happen to make up 35% of my readership). Being a Texan, so their argument runs, I must like our president -- we're from the same state after all! It pains me to see that some Europeans have such a simplistic world view. So briefly, I'd like to set the record straight.

Firstly, I'm from Austin -- not Texas. There is a big difference, and anyone who's visited Austin will testify to that. Generally, speaking, Texas is a very stupid state. This stupidity can be easily detected by observing this state's voting habits, its "values" (if that's what you call them..), and its distinct fondness for truck commercials that re-emphasize that Texas is big; and therefore Texans should like Chevy's big trucks.

Washington Post reports:

Hours after New Orleans officials announced Tuesday that they would deploy a city-owned, wireless Internet network in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, regional phone giant BellSouth Corp. withdrew an offer to donate one of its damaged buildings that would have housed new police headquarters, city officials said yesterday.

BellSouth, ironically, feels victimized that a city which was under 10-20 feet of water just a few months ago, would even consider giving free internet access to those who slowly come back.

Friendly word of advice to the slimebags whose thirst for money is like that of a crackhead for a rock: please go out of business as soon as possible so that you can stop humilating the rest of the human race with your leadership's empty quest for vanity, disregard for everything besides your own interest, and appallingly shitty service. Please, go away.

That's right. The topic this morning is the logistical considerations for public sanitation on the Imperial Death Star. Joshua Tyree of McSweeny's writes perhaps the most insightful piece -- ever -- on the fascinating subject:

I maintain that the trash compactor onboard the Death Star in "Star Wars" is implausible, unworkable, and moreover, inefficient.

The Trash Compactor Debate turns on whether the Death Star ejects its trash into space. I, for one, believe it does. Though we never see the Death Star ejecting its trash, we do see another Empire ship, the so-called Star Destroyer, ejecting its trash into space. I therefore see no reason to suspect that Empire protocol dictating that trash be ejected into space would not apply equally to all Empire spacecraft, including the Death Star.

The Death Star clearly has a garbage-disposal problem. Given its size and massive personnel, the amount of waste it generates — discarded food, broken equipment, excrement, and the like — boggles the imagination. That said, I just cannot fathom how an organization as ruthless and efficiently-run as the Empire would have signed off on such a dangerous, unsanitary, and shoddy garbage-disposal system as the one depicted in the movie. [read more...]

The story that unfolded, from Harriet Miers to Alito... at everyone moment it seemed *strange*. I'm now -- personally at least -- certain that Miers was a prop, and that Rove is still very much at work.

Anyone with a background and sales will know exactly why Miers was a great failed nominee to proceed Alito. Without the contrast, Alito would have caused a storm. This Judge, my friends, is going to cause a lot of damage. He needs to be opposed violently -- or we will pay for many years.

When you watch news, always be looking for the puppet shows. The more elaborate and daring the puppet show, the more danger the situation poses to our well being.

This is the true scandal of Lolita. Not that a man should love a child, but that he should prove so helpless to stanch his desires. Deep emotion is the book's central transgression and its saving grace.      Never has this been more obvious than the current era, which has placed carnality in the service of capitalism by stripping from sex any vestige of authentic feeling. We see more and more these days -- virtually any dirty image is at our fingertips -- but feel less and less. Everywhere we look, glistening parts are pumping away in congress, yearning to excite our wildest consumer fantasies. Every day, it becomes harder and harder to make a clear distinction between pornography and advertising.      But Lolita? It has nothing to sell but the truth of ourselves: our afflictions of want, our shame, elusive and horrible and blessed.

Michael Moore writes:  

On this, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I'm just curious, how does it feel?

How does it feel to know that the man you elected to lead us after we were attacked went ahead and put a guy in charge of FEMA whose main qualification was that he ran horse shows?

That's right. Horse shows.

I really want to know -- and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect -- how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety? C'mon, give me just a moment of honesty. Don't start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America. Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton. Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe. [read more...]

Wow, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann just said EXACTLY what needed to be said right now about Katrina.[requires quickitem] I don't know much about Olbermann, but this was the most refreshing take I have yet heard from TV news on the situation in New Orleans. Here's a preview from the transcript:

...having given our leaders what we know now is the week or so they need to get their act together, that period of editorial silence I mentioned, should come to an end.No one is suggesting that mayors or governors in the afflicted areas, nor the federal government, should be able to stop hurricanes. Lord knows, no one is suggesting that we should ever prioritize levee improvement for a below-sea-level city, ahead of $454 million worth of trophy bridges for the politicians of Alaska.

I don't know exactly why -- what the correlation is, or why I'm posting this graph. The trends struck me as significant for some reason that I can put into words. It feels like -- maybe -- perhaps I shouldn't even jinx it -- this is some sort of tipping point that will carry over to the 2006 elections.

Now, if only the democratic party would stop nominating the usual parade of cursty gubers.

Not to mention, I may at this point have entirely lost my faith in the wisdom of the American electorate. I still can't believe G.W. Bush was re-elected. Its as though our entire country has just snapped. I fear that in 2006 they will again take the GOP's bait and start jabbering and voting on the basis of gay marriage. Delay will be re-elected, the house and senate will continue to be dominated by Republicans. Its as though the electorate doesn't care that our politicians are selling each and everyone of us out to corporate interest -- so long as there is some "show trial" involving child molestation on TV... God I'm depressed.