Existentialism

Existentialism is a Humanism

May 10, 2005 - 9:02pm

sartreBy Jean-Paul Sartre (1946)

My purpose here is to offer a defense of existentialism against several reproaches that have been laid against it.

First, it has been reproached as an invitation to people to dwell in quietism of despair. For if every way to a solution is barred, one would have to regard any action in this world as entirely ineffective, and one would arrive finally at a contemplative philosophy. Moreover, since contemplation is a luxury, this would be only another bourgeois philosophy. This is, especially, the reproach made by the Communists.

From another quarter we are reproached for having underlined all that is ignominious in the human situation, for depicting what is mean, sordid or base to the neglect of certain things that possess charm and beauty and belong to the brighter side of human nature: for example, according to  the Catholic critic, Mlle. Mercier, we forget how an infant smiles. Both from this side and from the other we are also reproached for leaving out of account the solidarity of mankind and considering man in isolation. And this, say the Communists, is because we base our doctrine upon pure subjectivity — upon the Cartesian “I think”: which is the moment in which solitary man attains to himself; a position from which it is impossible to  regain solidarity with other men who exist outside of the self. The ego cannot reach them through the cogito.

Motivation

February 17, 2005 - 10:45pm

I pray to god that this is the low point in my a life; I'm praying because I know things can, and indeed may very well get worse. No food today, just two cups of coffee and some cheap cigarettes; its the perfect breakfast if you are trying to start a business.

The situation I'm in right now is not my fault. I don't say that because I need an excuse; I say that because it was outside of my control, and I could never have prepared for or prevented it -- but more importantly, I fear that if I blame it on myself, I might sink into the sort of despair that would eventually lead to my death. All I have is faith in myself at this point, and I must hold onto it, no matter how foolish it might seem, or how many times I've failed in my life.. One month ago today, I was probably having the best day I've had since I was 16. However, the very next day, for reasons I will refrain from explaining (it would take too long, and it involves people that i consider friends) I had the worst day of my life. That is no exaggeration. That night, after I regained my will to live, I wrote a quote down to guide me through the unexpected challenge, the worst case scenario, that that bastard , reality, had thrown at me:

"In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work for it with all your might." - Winston Churchill

I looked at my options: denial, death, service work (which would likely lead to death, via drugs), or start a business. The latter seemed the best option, though considering I had no money, reputation, or contacts that might be potential customers, I knew it would be difficult. However, soon, I hope, the second half of my first contract will be coming in, and as of today, I have two potential contracts (if I get both, that covers a months rent and bare minimums) from unexpected sources. No word at the moment for what I sell, though. If you'd grown up around the tech industry like myself, you'd understand my silence. In addition, I know my potential competitors read this weblog on a daily basis (however, yes, I am looking for CSS/CMS work). However, I will say I sell more for less.

I'll eat tomorrow, thanks to the fine folks at the pawnshop, and a spare cd player. However, if you like this blog, or feel I might have done something valuable for you (read me building the PBA) and assuming your finances put you in a position to give to charity, tipping (via paypal, bottom left sidebar) me as you would a waiter would go a long way right now. That is the closest you'll ever see me to begging. May god have mercy on my pride, and empty stomach. Now, I must return to work.

Notes from the Worst Day of My Life

January 18, 2005 - 9:01pm

I can say with confidence that today, 1-19-05 was the worst day of my entire life. I'm not even kidding. At this point, I've succeeded in attaining a state of total mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. I can't remember the last time that I felt this tired. Ironically, while I am too tired to care, and I am also too stressed to sleep.

DARWIN

Though there was a definate catalyst to me feeling the way I do, it would be dishonest, innappropriate, and manevolent of me to call it "the cause". The cause seems to be who I am (my biological heritage, plus 22 years of enviromental influence); but the meaning of that statement can only be understood in the existential sense. Usually, I like to pretend that the reason I feel such despair is that I desire to take full responsibility for where I find myself; and yet I try so hard to cling to the idea that I'm a serial victim of circumstance -- but for now, I'm pretty sure that those two opposing statements are merely a farce that I use to cover up my eyes from a far worse reality. The reality I see looks like picture of Darwin's ugly head with stains of blood, cum , afterbirth, and shit: (drum roll) I am not well adapted to an enviroment; and there appears to be no better place for me to escape to.

The Wall

January 8, 2005 - 9:44pm

By Jean-Paul Sartre

Three Seconds to Midnight

December 29, 2004 - 4:52pm

homage to the apollinaireWe'd gaze at our sky in awe as the doomsday asteroid began burning its way through our atmosphere; the silent yet blindingly bright fireball would fly across the sky above, and eventually settling over the horizon like a time lapse sunset. Impact.

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