Nick Lewis: The Blog

Unlike President Bush, I'm a Texan. Strangely, however, being a Texan seems to put me initially at odds with various continental types (who happen to make up 35% of my readership). Being a Texan, so their argument runs, I must like our president -- we're from the same state after all! It pains me to see that some Europeans have such a simplistic world view. So briefly, I'd like to set the record straight.

Firstly, I'm from Austin -- not Texas. There is a big difference, and anyone who's visited Austin will testify to that. Generally, speaking, Texas is a very stupid state. This stupidity can be easily detected by observing this state's voting habits, its "values" (if that's what you call them..), and its distinct fondness for truck commercials that re-emphasize that Texas is big; and therefore Texans should like Chevy's big trucks.

Austin on the otherhand was long ago split up into THREE congressional districts, all of which snake out hundreds of miles into "bush country". This effective silencing of my city was carried out by Tom Delay, and the rest of his republican gremlins. That's how out of place my poor city is -- smack dab in the heart of Texas. So with that introduction out of the way, I'd like to set the record straight on how I feel about my fellow faux-Texan, president Bush.

Its not that I disagree with his policies, or worldview, or anything as abstract as a "political position". Rather, I believe our president is an election-stealing, naive, war-mongering, self-deceiving, plastic, impulsive idiot fuck who was conjured by the dark prince himself. His mission is to destroy my country, to make the world even more chaotic, and to sell America and Americans alike to greedy scum sucking house flies with the biggest bank accounts, and most hookers.

Thank you for allowing me to clear the air.