Nick Lewis: The Blog

a man is sitting in his small office cubical at work, when he realizes that his lunch is ham, again. Hes bored of ham, so he decides to go out for lunch. As he's eating, he realizes that his wife had been avoiding him lately. So he decides to stop at his apartment on the way back to work. when he gets there he goes up the elevator, to floor 27. the second he steps off the elevator he hears moving and russling from his room 3 asiles down 5 door on the left. the closer he gets the louder his wife's voise gets saying ,"GET DOWN, HIDE". he runs to the room, the russling stops. he runs to his wife and says,"where is he, you cant hide him anymore". She says," I dont know what your talking about". he's furious, he looks every where, under the bed, the couch, the table, and in every cabnite. He decides to look on the deak. then off the balcony he sees a man running suspiciously fast. He knows its the guy. he grabs the fridge, throws it off the balcony. it flattens the man. in all the excitment he has a heart attach and dies. he gets to heaven just in time to see st. paul leaving. the man runs up and stops him. then says,"no you cant leave I have to get into heaven". st. paul says,"I cant let you in, no one goes in after 5, the goverment dosnt pay me enough to keep it open any later".the man says,"its only 1".paul says," maybe on earh it is".the man says"you still have to let me in I've had such a bad day". eventually paul says,"alright, its a strech but you can go, but first tell me why you shoud get in". the man says,"well today I found that my wife was cheating on me". paul says,"man thats tough, go on in". after, st. paul picks up his papers and begins to walk home, when another man comes. he says,"you cant leave, I need to get in". paul says,"sorry". the man says,"what kind of saint are you". paul then says that he'll let the man in if he tells him his story. heman says,"ok, I was late getting back to work from my lunch break and was rushing. then a refridgerater lands on my head". St. paul lets him in. then a leagthy guy that looks like a smoker walks up and says,"you know your letting me in, right"?. st. paul says,"yeah". The man says,"here's my story. picture this: im lieing neaked in a refridurator...

A joke from Fiji Islands.

Maika the Warrior

Maika was a Warrior in Ratu Isoa's chiefly court on the island of
Vanualeqa.
He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen
Susana's voluptuous breasts. But he knew the penalty for this would be
death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Yavala,
who was the King's chief witch doctor.

Yavala said "I can arrange it, but I will need 10 kilos of waka as a bribe". Maika readily agreed.

The next day Yavala made up a batch of itching lotion and poured a
little of it into the Queens tapa brassiere while she was taking a bath.
Soon after she dressed the itching commenced and grew in intensity.

Upon being called to the royal chambers, Yavala told Ratu Isoa that only a special saliva, if applied to his wife's breasts for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Maika the Warrior's mouth. The Chief summoned Maika the Warrior and issued the imperial command.

Maika slipped the antidote to the itching lotion, which Yavala had given him, into his mouth and for the next four hours worked passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts.

Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Yavala demanding payment. However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Yavala anything and shooed him away, knowing that he could never report this matter to the Chief.

The next day, Yavala slipped a massive dose of the same itching lotion onto Chief Isoa's underpants hanging on the line.

And Maika the Warrior was again summoned by the Chief.......................

Mmmmm??

A man walks past a bar and sees a poster on the wall - "make my donkey laugh and win free beer for a month". Feeling confident the man walks into the bar and asks the landlord about the poster. "I reckon I can make your donkey laugh" said the man. "Go for it mate, no-ones managed yet, he's sat in he corner drowing his sorrows".

The man walked upto the donkey and sat beside him. He whispered something in the donkeys ear and all of a sudden the donkey is rolling around on the floor laughing his head off.

"Wow, how did you do that!" said the landlord. "Actually I don't care, heres your free beer mate."

Nearly a month passed and the donkey had been laughing non stop everyday since the man whispered in his ear. Getting fed up with the donkey the landlord decided whoever could make the donkey shut up would also win a free month of beer.

The man walked into the pub, to get his free beer as usual and saw the new poster. "I can make him cry, just watch"

The man walked upto the donkey, asked him to follow him to another room and the laughing stopped, the donkey just stared at the floor as glum faced as before.

"Oh come on! you have to tell me how you did that, and how you made him laugh in he first place! while I get you a beer"

"Well to make him laugh I said I had a bigger dick than he did" "To shut him up, I showed him"

hehe :-P

You cant be serious im just a teen and i have a better joke then that.

A drunk man walks up to a bar tender and yells out "YOU! I'll give you 50 bucks if i can pee in this cup about 10 feet away"
the bar tender happly takes the bet and begins to watch.
The drunk man unzips his pants and starts to piss everywere, the piss flys in every direction but the cup. The Bartender starts to smile and laugh, the drunk man zips up his pants.
"I guess you lose"
"It dont matter, i bet those guys over at that table that i could piss all over your bar and have you smile about it"

Hm now thats funny

the jokes okay but i have a better one... Theres a man sitting on a bench in a park and he's got bananas in his ears. So this guy comes up to him and says "Excuse me sir, but do you know that you have bananas in your ears?" So the guy replys "I'm sorry sir but I can't hear you because i have bananas in my ears!" Now that's the funniest joke!!!

theres these 3 frogs they live in a guys house his names bob cuase he really likes frogs so they go to sleep one slept in the sink one in the bed with bob and one in the toilet so when they wake up the one in the sink goes ahhh i had an okay sleep then the one in the bed said mine was great!! but bob got up once then the one in the toilet said my night sucked! first it rained then there was a whirlpool but thank god i got saved by a log!!!!

funny funny funny lol lol lol

 

i didnt find that joke the slightest bit funny but that sperm one is hilarious!