Kittengate

The repercussions of Kittengate have offically gone international. Another whistleblower, who calls himself "Kaiser", has just come forward. Just minutes ago, he accused Ms. Mackinnon of representing our blessed nation at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland with her kitten-eating ways:

It's true and I have proof. I'm prepared to testify that I was put in charge of MacKinnon's kitten cuisine detail at Davos, and must have flayed, fileted and fricasseed four or five frisky felines at her behest between session summary writing assignments at the World Economic Forum's Annual Meeting. They ain't easy to come by in Alpine ski resorts, let me tell you. I knew MacKinnon in Beijing for years, where her predilection for kitten-eating had her taking regular trips to Guangdong Province and hastened her dismissal from CNN. Yeah, she's a kitten-eating cyborg alright.

My readers can rest assured that you will be updated as soon as I get more information. In a related and bizarre twist, Ms. Mackinnon has willfully submitted photographic evidence of multiple Berkmanites feasting upon the bodies of dead kittens! I'm beginning to think that this might be some sort of bizarre psycho-thriller plot that echos Crime and Punishment? Does she want to face the consequences? Anyhow, seen in the photo is John Palfrey (what a turn coat!), Ethan Zuckerman (I should have known... your blog might be in Cambridge, but your soul resides in the bloody darkness of eviscerated kittens!), Zephyr Teachout (who needs a new blog, btw. Regardless of her kitten eating habits, I'd build a host a free civicspace blog for her if she wanted it), and David Weinberger (well... actually... Weinberger wasn't exactly a shock).

Also, I've challenged O'Reilly to defend his unfair accusations on his show... and he has accepted my challenge. Wish me luck. I will post the transcript as soon as it becomes available.

Bill O’ Reilly: Bias, propaganda, and the kitten eating, anti-American, Jesus haters of the radical-left: that is the subject of this evening’s talking points memo.

Over the past 48 hours, Harvard’s Berkman Center for Internet and Society has once again come under fire for providing asylum to numerous anti-American kitten eaters. As usual, the mainstream left-wing media, including CNN and the New York Times, are refusing to cover the scandal. However, unlike the liberal media, Talking Points believes that all Americans have a right to know what really happened behind the blood stained closed doors of the Berkman Center.

An Australian team of Tasmanian Devils re-enacts the slaughter occurring behind the closed doors of Berkman. In my judgment, this video captures the true horror of the unfolding scandal in ways that words cannot. (Via Joi Ito) Warning: This movie contains disturbing images. Viewer discretion advised.

Now, I'm no egoist... however, I do believe that Joi Ito created the del.icio.us tag "kitten" in response to my recent remastering (In THX) of the Berkman Kitten Eating Scandal. Makes a great collectors item! Act now, and you will be able to view this free photograph! Mark my words: the photo will brighten your day.

Today, I renamed a month old post that jokingly accused Rebecca Mackinnon of kitten eating. While I was checking referred logs today, I suddenly realized that the satirical post, titled "Rebecca Mackinnon: Kitten Eater (and she's rumored to hate both America and Jesus, too. She's also a rapper.)", was in fact appearing near the top of any google search for "Rebecca Mackinnon". Rebecca never mentioned the post to me, and I think she would have thought it was funny. Nevertheless, it just seemed wrong to allow "hates America and Jesus" to appear at the top of the search -- regardless of the fact that it is an obvious joke (apparently, there is a large segment of the population that doesn’t understand the concept of joking). Rebecca is a woman of robust moral fiber, and doesn't hate America or Jesus (though the jury is still out on the kitten eating though).

Then again, I may have just had too much coffee today... The new headline is "Anonymous Whistleblower Accuses Berkman Fellows of Ceremonially Feasting Upon Live Kittens"