The Photographs that Define our Times

February 14, 2005 - 1:38am

I don't believe this. I've actually found a picture of someone fiddling with President Bush's fly. However, for me, its "Mr. Small Personal Bubble's" red face that makes this photo a truly magnificent addition to my collection. One does wonder why he appears to be so happy... Perhaps he's next in line?

The Progressive Ideal Expressed 2435 years ago

February 13, 2005 - 11:31pm
"We love beauty without extravagance, and wisdom without weakness of will. Wealth we regard not as a means for private display but rather for public service; and poverty we consider no disgrace, although we think it is a disgrace not to try to overcome it. We believe a man should be conerned about public as well as private affairs, for we regard the person who takes no part in politics not as merely uninterested but as useless." -From Funeral Oration, King Pericles (495-427 b.c.e)

And so the plot thickens

February 13, 2005 - 10:32pm

The repercussions of Kittengate have offically gone international. Another whistleblower, who calls himself "Kaiser", has just come forward. Just minutes ago, he accused Ms. Mackinnon of representing our blessed nation at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland with her kitten-eating ways:

It's true and I have proof. I'm prepared to testify that I was put in charge of MacKinnon's kitten cuisine detail at Davos, and must have flayed, fileted and fricasseed four or five frisky felines at her behest between session summary writing assignments at the World Economic Forum's Annual Meeting. They ain't easy to come by in Alpine ski resorts, let me tell you. I knew MacKinnon in Beijing for years, where her predilection for kitten-eating had her taking regular trips to Guangdong Province and hastened her dismissal from CNN. Yeah, she's a kitten-eating cyborg alright.

My readers can rest assured that you will be updated as soon as I get more information. In a related and bizarre twist, Ms. Mackinnon has willfully submitted photographic evidence of multiple Berkmanites feasting upon the bodies of dead kittens! I'm beginning to think that this might be some sort of bizarre psycho-thriller plot that echos Crime and Punishment? Does she want to face the consequences? Anyhow, seen in the photo is John Palfrey (what a turn coat!), Ethan Zuckerman (I should have known... your blog might be in Cambridge, but your soul resides in the bloody darkness of eviscerated kittens!), Zephyr Teachout (who needs a new blog, btw. Regardless of her kitten eating habits, I'd build a host a free civicspace blog for her if she wanted it), and David Weinberger (well... actually... Weinberger wasn't exactly a shock).

Also, I've challenged O'Reilly to defend his unfair accusations on his show... and he has accepted my challenge. Wish me luck. I will post the transcript as soon as it becomes available.

Bill O' Reilly Gives his Take on Kittengate

February 13, 2005 - 1:40pm

Bill O’ Reilly: Bias, propaganda, and the kitten eating, anti-American, Jesus haters of the radical-left: that is the subject of this evening’s talking points memo.

Over the past 48 hours, Harvard’s Berkman Center for Internet and Society has once again come under fire for providing asylum to numerous anti-American kitten eaters. As usual, the mainstream left-wing media, including CNN and the New York Times, are refusing to cover the scandal. However, unlike the liberal media, Talking Points believes that all Americans have a right to know what really happened behind the blood stained closed doors of the Berkman Center.

Berkman Kitten Eating Ritual Re-enactment

February 13, 2005 - 12:19pm

An Australian team of Tasmanian Devils re-enacts the slaughter occurring behind the closed doors of Berkman. In my judgment, this video captures the true horror of the unfolding scandal in ways that words cannot. (Via Joi Ito) Warning: This movie contains disturbing images. Viewer discretion advised.

When you read the tag "kitten"... just think of me.

February 13, 2005 - 2:45am

Now, I'm no egoist... however, I do believe that Joi Ito created the del.icio.us tag "kitten" in response to my recent remastering (In THX) of the Berkman Kitten Eating Scandal. Makes a great collectors item! Act now, and you will be able to view this free photograph! Mark my words: the photo will brighten your day.

Karl Marx on Bureaucracy

February 12, 2005 - 11:50pm
"The bureaucracy is a circle from which one cannot escape. Its hierarchy is a hierarchy of knowledge. The top entrusts the understanding of detail to the lower levels, whilst the lower levels credit the top with understanding of the general, and so all are mutually deceived." - Karl Marx

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE

February 12, 2005 - 6:51pm

By John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.)

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect :

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

The Censoring of the Self

February 12, 2005 - 1:28pm

Today, I renamed a month old post that jokingly accused Rebecca Mackinnon of kitten eating. While I was checking referred logs today, I suddenly realized that the satirical post, titled "Rebecca Mackinnon: Kitten Eater (and she's rumored to hate both America and Jesus, too. She's also a rapper.)", was in fact appearing near the top of any google search for "Rebecca Mackinnon". Rebecca never mentioned the post to me, and I think she would have thought it was funny. Nevertheless, it just seemed wrong to allow "hates America and Jesus" to appear at the top of the search -- regardless of the fact that it is an obvious joke (apparently, there is a large segment of the population that doesn’t understand the concept of joking). Rebecca is a woman of robust moral fiber, and doesn't hate America or Jesus (though the jury is still out on the kitten eating though).

Then again, I may have just had too much coffee today... The new headline is "Anonymous Whistleblower Accuses Berkman Fellows of Ceremonially Feasting Upon Live Kittens"

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